Darcey Bussell’s Farewell: LiveFriday, 9.00-10.30, BBC2
In which The People’s Ballerina does the dying swan thing one last time, and an elderly lady living at the top of The Mall dispatches her favourite chef before hungrily fastening a serviette. Possibly. More assuredly, the Royal Ballet's most famous toe-pointer will take her final, Kenneth MacMillan-choreographed steps to the tune of Mahler's Song Of The Earth, having first enjoyed a Martha Kearney-fronted career hagiography. Fans of drinking games might like to ready their glasses in anticipation for each utterance of the words ‘darling’, ‘simply’, and ‘marvellous’.
In which The People’s Ballerina does the dying swan thing one last time, and an elderly lady living at the top of The Mall dispatches her favourite chef before hungrily fastening a serviette. Possibly. More assuredly, the Royal Ballet's most famous toe-pointer will take her final, Kenneth MacMillan-choreographed steps to the tune of Mahler's Song Of The Earth, having first enjoyed a Martha Kearney-fronted career hagiography. Fans of drinking games might like to ready their glasses in anticipation for each utterance of the words ‘darling’, ‘simply’, and ‘marvellous’.
The Culture Show
Saturday, 7.20-8.10, BBC2
Verity Sharp examines the £100million refurbishment of the Royal Festival Hall as the arts venue prepares to reopen its doors, and it’s the beginning of this weekend’s feast of Cocker, as Jarvis talks about helming this year’s Meltdown Festival. And a curator’s egg of choices he’s made, too: Motorhead are all well and good, but he’s obviously not heard the new Iggy and The Stooges album. Still, nice to see a little exposure for SUNN O))), arguably the world’s finest exponents of drone. Sportingly, the programme also features an interview with one of their chief rivals for the title, Peter Mandelson.
George Michael: The Road To Wembley
Verity Sharp examines the £100million refurbishment of the Royal Festival Hall as the arts venue prepares to reopen its doors, and it’s the beginning of this weekend’s feast of Cocker, as Jarvis talks about helming this year’s Meltdown Festival. And a curator’s egg of choices he’s made, too: Motorhead are all well and good, but he’s obviously not heard the new Iggy and The Stooges album. Still, nice to see a little exposure for SUNN O))), arguably the world’s finest exponents of drone. Sportingly, the programme also features an interview with one of their chief rivals for the title, Peter Mandelson.
George Michael: The Road To Wembley
Saturday, 9.10-10.15, C4
“… and a special helpline has been set up for anyone concerned that friends or family may have cars parked in the area.”
How We Built Britain
“… and a special helpline has been set up for anyone concerned that friends or family may have cars parked in the area.”
How We Built Britain
Sunday, 9.30-10.30, BBC1
Ah, hubris: so much to answer for. Building England’s largest private house, Holdenby Hall in Northamptonshire, wasn’t enough for Sir Christopher Hatton. Not when there was a monarch to impress and a troublesome blot on the landscape (or, in modern parlance, an entire village). So he had it moved. Alas, Elizabeth I never arrived, and he died penniless. So continues David Dimbleby’s entertaining exploration of the great country houses of the 16th century, when your claim to architectural greatness was gauged by the scale of your chimney crop - Burghley House in Lincolnshire had 76 – and Her Madge’s playful penchant for murdering Catholic clergy was countered by master builder, Nicholas Owen, who travelled the country devising ingenious ‘priest-holes’ to conceal them. Still, it’s hard not to wonder whether Mr Dimbleby’s adherence to the old journalistic maxim of ‘assume nothing’ might not be reaching its outer limits: “Elizabeth didn't build much herself,” he notes, helpfully.
Hollywood Greats
Hollywood Greats
Monday, 10.35-11.15, BBC1
Typically inspired piece of programming from the Beeb, this. First up, Jonathan Ross gets to perform his ‘I wuv you’ routine for Helen Mirren, with the grating (Harrison Ford) and the good (Jeremy Irons) turning out to pay tribute. Then the schedulers opt to follow it not with one of her lesser-seen screen gems (Cal, Hamlet) - or even the higher profile Long Good Friday or Some Mother’s Son - but Last Orders, a so-so, bloke-centric ensemble piece in which she barely features.
Lenny’s Britain
Typically inspired piece of programming from the Beeb, this. First up, Jonathan Ross gets to perform his ‘I wuv you’ routine for Helen Mirren, with the grating (Harrison Ford) and the good (Jeremy Irons) turning out to pay tribute. Then the schedulers opt to follow it not with one of her lesser-seen screen gems (Cal, Hamlet) - or even the higher profile Long Good Friday or Some Mother’s Son - but Last Orders, a so-so, bloke-centric ensemble piece in which she barely features.
Lenny’s Britain Tuesday, 9.00-10.00, BBC1
Mr Henry travels the UK in a bid to find out ‘what makes people laugh and how humour is used in everyday life’. Forgive our cynicism, but isn’t this rather like sending a piece of chalk to report the goings on in a cheese factory?
Mr Henry travels the UK in a bid to find out ‘what makes people laugh and how humour is used in everyday life’. Forgive our cynicism, but isn’t this rather like sending a piece of chalk to report the goings on in a cheese factory?
Frank Skinner’s Tough Gig
Tuesday, 10.00-10.30, ITV1
Given his booze-guzzling past, perhaps ‘Frank Skinner’s Free Shot’ was considered too risqué a title. As it is, we’re supposed to believe that visiting a New Age retreat in Dorset – replete with programmes for ‘personal growth’ and spewing forth the mumbo-est of jumbo – represents some kind of comic challenge. On second thoughts, perhaps we’re being unfair: according to some poll we’re sure we saw somewhere, our friends in the allegedly ‘spiritual’ community recently pipped both Ian Paisley Jr and the entire population of Canada to the title of Least Likely To Laugh At Themselves.
Gilbert White: The Nature Man: BBC Four On BBC Two
Given his booze-guzzling past, perhaps ‘Frank Skinner’s Free Shot’ was considered too risqué a title. As it is, we’re supposed to believe that visiting a New Age retreat in Dorset – replete with programmes for ‘personal growth’ and spewing forth the mumbo-est of jumbo – represents some kind of comic challenge. On second thoughts, perhaps we’re being unfair: according to some poll we’re sure we saw somewhere, our friends in the allegedly ‘spiritual’ community recently pipped both Ian Paisley Jr and the entire population of Canada to the title of Least Likely To Laugh At Themselves.
Gilbert White: The Nature Man: BBC Four On BBC Two
Tuesday, 11.20-12.20, BBC2
Trust the BBC Four slot to contain the highlight of the week: a documentary wholly original in its subject matter, fronted by a proper historian rather than some clueless sleb with a bland script and pushy agent, confident enough in the strength of a compelling narrative not to opt for the ghastly, audience-underestimating ‘reconstruction’ approach. Michael Wood tells the tale of Gilbert White, widely regarded as the founding father of the ecology movement. Rejected by the both the objects of his desire and the church, in 1787 he went on to revolutionise the way we perceive the natural world by penning ‘The Natural History of Selborne’ (pre-Potter, the fourth most-published English language book in the world). Sir David Attenborough is among the contributors.
Britney: Off The Rails
Trust the BBC Four slot to contain the highlight of the week: a documentary wholly original in its subject matter, fronted by a proper historian rather than some clueless sleb with a bland script and pushy agent, confident enough in the strength of a compelling narrative not to opt for the ghastly, audience-underestimating ‘reconstruction’ approach. Michael Wood tells the tale of Gilbert White, widely regarded as the founding father of the ecology movement. Rejected by the both the objects of his desire and the church, in 1787 he went on to revolutionise the way we perceive the natural world by penning ‘The Natural History of Selborne’ (pre-Potter, the fourth most-published English language book in the world). Sir David Attenborough is among the contributors.
Britney: Off The Rails Wednesday, 10.00-11.05, C4
Aptly leaping straight into the Desperate Housewives slot comes this Britney doc and, my, how she’s fallen since those halcyon St Trinian’s days. Type her name into Google’s predictive toolbar and here’s what you get: ‘no underwear’, ‘shaved head’, ‘crotch shot’, and ‘bald’. Hardly able to top what’s already been revealed come a fleet of money-grabbing, jilted acquaintances and several rent-a-quote no-marks to lob a fistful of salt into an open wound. Sorry, we’ll write that again. Hardly able, etc, come her first agent, childhood best friend, journalists and music industry professionals to offer a unique, insider’s perspective.
Mary, Queen Of Shops
Aptly leaping straight into the Desperate Housewives slot comes this Britney doc and, my, how she’s fallen since those halcyon St Trinian’s days. Type her name into Google’s predictive toolbar and here’s what you get: ‘no underwear’, ‘shaved head’, ‘crotch shot’, and ‘bald’. Hardly able to top what’s already been revealed come a fleet of money-grabbing, jilted acquaintances and several rent-a-quote no-marks to lob a fistful of salt into an open wound. Sorry, we’ll write that again. Hardly able, etc, come her first agent, childhood best friend, journalists and music industry professionals to offer a unique, insider’s perspective.
Mary, Queen Of Shops
Thursday, 9.00-10.00, BBC2
A classic example of title-before-content commissioning. Apparently, the titular Ms Portas is something of a retail guru. Like you give a shit. Instead, here are a few surefire winners of our own. Edward the Contessa: following the tribulations of a wealthy, pre-op transgender patient. Richard the Lionheart: life with an eco-unfriendly transplant beneficiary. William the Concubine: unfortunate ex-pat falls on hard times in China. Alfred the Grate: fireside-dwelling chap who… (Look, this has got to stop. Ed.)
Question Time
A classic example of title-before-content commissioning. Apparently, the titular Ms Portas is something of a retail guru. Like you give a shit. Instead, here are a few surefire winners of our own. Edward the Contessa: following the tribulations of a wealthy, pre-op transgender patient. Richard the Lionheart: life with an eco-unfriendly transplant beneficiary. William the Concubine: unfortunate ex-pat falls on hard times in China. Alfred the Grate: fireside-dwelling chap who… (Look, this has got to stop. Ed.)
Question Time
Thursday, 10.35-11.35, BBC1
So it’s come to this. In lieu of a Labour leadership contest, poor old Dimbers is reduced to interviewing the six snivelling excuses for democracy who refused to stand against Gordon, preferring instead to vie for the unenviable responsibility of wiping clean Prescott’s desk. We were going to suggest a continuation of Friday’s drinking game, whereby you’d award yourself a single shot for each time you heard the phrase ‘tough decisions’ or ‘time for a new politics’, and a double for every ‘going forward’. Sadly, our resident health expert ruled otherwise.
So it’s come to this. In lieu of a Labour leadership contest, poor old Dimbers is reduced to interviewing the six snivelling excuses for democracy who refused to stand against Gordon, preferring instead to vie for the unenviable responsibility of wiping clean Prescott’s desk. We were going to suggest a continuation of Friday’s drinking game, whereby you’d award yourself a single shot for each time you heard the phrase ‘tough decisions’ or ‘time for a new politics’, and a double for every ‘going forward’. Sadly, our resident health expert ruled otherwise.
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